The intricacies of power

(This is a character related post for my wizard in one of the two 3,5 campaigns I am participating in. )

The trouble with power, is that it can corrupt you. Not just the soul, or the mind, but the body as well. I have spent much of my time trying to find a way to further my power and climb out from beneath the shadow of my family, and yet, up until now, I have hit a wall. Now, I have no illusions of grandeur, nor do I believe that my power should be used for the enslavement of others, and yet here I am with a new familiar....or should i say assistant, contractually obligated to serve me. Now, I welcome the aid and assistance i have recieved from Endeera thus far, but truth be told I find the entire situation to be....exhausting. My understanding of the arcane is astounding even to me, but when it comes to other people, I cannot seem to grasp the simplest of tasks.....expressing one's thoughts to those who do not understand my way of thinking. For example, take Markus. The man is infuriating, and our differences come from a misunderstanding of each others ways of thinking. He believes that I am wrong for signing the contract with Endeera...not because she is evil...which, despite the mask she wears, she is very much so, but she has an understanding of order despite this. Useful in a very real sense. The problem is that he did not wish to leave her bound where she was, and wanted to release her, but, she did not wish to return home. I cannot say which plane of hell she was from, but that is a sound wish. Who among us would wish to go to hell? He tries again and again to explain why she is wrong for being bound to me, but he refuses to accept the simple fact that it is her choice. If she so wished for me to release her, I would gladly do so, and truthfully, I give her more freedom than he thinks, but to have a devil loose, roaming fetter hill without parameters would be chaos. There would be harm to come to some unfortunate soul, of this I am certain. I did what he could not, and this I think adds to the issue. However, with this latest job, we faced uncertain circumstances, and I made a grievous error. This led to my death, and to be honest, i should not be alive...yet, here I am. The means by which i am here now is for me to know, and for the sake of protecting myself and those around me, I will not so much as put anything in writing in case it is found. It's strange....I have undergone the ritual to bind the mantle of the horned devil to myself, and the power i have recieved, while truly magnificent, will change me in ways I cannot yet determine...and I am quite certain that this will be yet another reason for me to be viewed as an ambitious, evil mastermind by Markus. One day he will understand, but hopefully it will be sooner than later, because I have a feeling that this mistrust will lead to our deaths if it is not resolved. My power will be used to help further my influence so that one day, Greystar and the rest of the world can work together effectively, and be ready to face any challenge that comes our way. Think of the possibilities....Ravenspire with the might of Greystar behind them could very nearly wipe out the threat that looms on their borders, and if not, at the very least, the threat could be greatly lessened for quite some time, thus giving time for the forces of Ravenspire to rally and completely wipe out the threat on their own. The capital city....imagine what could be accomplished if Greystar truly opened it's borders and free sharing of lore and arcane secrets could be shared....the Queen could benefit greatly, as could my people....the possibilities are truly endless. I say this because of the past, and how successful a unified front truly was before the more ambitious of my people found themselves to be too powerful to obey the lawful command of the Queen. As of now, our way of life is....at best...inefficient. People view mine with suspicion and disdain, if only because of their stance. i say, in order to have a truly unified nation could lead to a far more powerful nation in the long run, and there would be nothing to stand against us as a whole...and I would be lying if I said I was not interested to see exactly how I could utilize that knowledge which i am at current, cut off from for one reason or another......one day...the rest of them will see that we could truly be a well funtioning, efficient force to be reckoned with. I have my doubts that i can help achieve this, but my mind is set. This is my purpose. In furthering this endeavor, i also further myself. It is a mutual, beneficial gain.....I shall do my part, but it will be dangerous, and it will require things...that i cannot expect the others to understand, and so for now, I'll do what is necessary, while remaining cautious. No need to push the others away with a misplaced action or word......In time, I'll be gone, but hopefully not before I at least set things in motion.......

The blending of Arcane might and Martial prowess....

Many have often asked me why I chose to follow the path that I have, and the answer is not as complicated or grand and fantastical as one might think. You see, as a child, I found myself entranced by the mysteries of those who honed their magical talents in a way that left them prepared for a number of situations. When one can command the very fabric of reality through arcane methods, what would cause them to hone their skills in the practiced form of a Swordmage? Put simply, it is my belief that this particular practice of the arcane is an intricate dance of physical prowess and mental might, affording the practitioner with a range of options that would otherwise be limited by the focused training of a true mage. My fascination comes from the notion that one's body should be just as refined as one's mind, offering an outward showing of one's dedication as one's words and intellect would afford a glimpse into the mental capacity that they posess. To me, it was a simple choice really, for when I enrolled in the academy, I held on to the notion of training in the fascinating art of the blade, and devoted my studies to that area.

As time went on, I found myself enthralled with my choice of study. Using one's skills to defend, rather than destroy was far more appealing, and though I speak no ill towards those who have studied the arcane in other areas, I will say that it is my opinion that when one spends so much time dedicated to studying books and tomes, one loses the ability to progress in other areas, and I for one would rather have my cake and eat it too as they say. I do not feel that my skill is greater as a whole than other practitioners, I merely feel that I have found a way to harmonize one's skills and talents in such a way that I can achieve a greater balance of power.....we've all taken note of the mistakes of the past, and really, I think there is such a thing as too much power for one's own good as there are things that many should not be privy to when it comes to the mysteries of the arcane..for example, the entities that those who fall in the category of warlocks have made pacts with. Many of those beings should never be sought for the sake of power, as most are undecidely underhanded and conniving....

Now that you understand my viewpoint on my particular choice of study, perhaps I can explain what my purpose is. I am a protector....a guardian if you will. I do not use my abilities to inflict pain and harm on another for the sake of gaining power, I use my abilities to aid those who otherwise would never know the kind of blessed life I have led. I have a family who has supported me through every choice I have made, and I have naturally excelled in everything I have applied myself to. The thought of putting myself between someone in need and those that would challenge that persons right to life just seems....right somehow. Now, I'm not saying I would go so far as to recklessly endanger myself, sword drawn and swinging wild...I'm no brute. But, when it comes to a situation where I can be of aid, I will lend my power in defense of another, and my mind will be as sharp as my blade.....point of fact, there are actually no opportunities for me to further advance my talents here in Greystar. I have heard from my father that there are strange occurences in Valaysia....strange energies at work, and even strange tales ranging from goblins in the area, and even Dragons.....quite an opportunity if I do say so myself.

He and I agree on the fact that it will do me good to experience more of the world, and being the loyalist to the Crown that he is, he even suggested that I travel to Valaysia, if for no other reason than to give myself a test of my own abilities and see what aid I can lend to the locals...though I sense he has his own reasons for pointing me in that direction. Father always was a calculated sort, and powerful as he is in the arts of Magi, I'm quite sure he still seeks to further his own influence....and what better way than to have his son become noticed by someone within the Queen's court?

Forsaken Memories

This is the first time since I lost myself that I have actually taken the time to think about the past and the pain that comes with the memories. I was 16, and my elder brother was 18, having graduated from the arcane academy three years earlier and was already established as a prominent mage and tactician. Our younger sister, Kalara, was 14 and though she was the youngest of us, she seemed to be our caretaker. It was at this time that Dalanor was readying me for my 2 year service with the Ravenspire military, and as excited as I was to hopefully shine for once, I had a strange sense of unease about leaving home for so long. I wrote it off as nothing more than anxiety and left to serve in my duty to my home. Over the two years, I learned the basics, and though I was little more than average, I was still improving in areas enough to earn the respect of my fellows. After the two years of service, I returned home expecting to see things improving for our family, and although everything was in order, there had been no improvements to our estate, and even my sister, glad as she was to see me, seemed worried and a little stressed.

She explained that Dalanor had begun to become more distant, and even colder than he had been before, devoting more of his time to studying night and day, aquiring more books, some of which were recieved from rather shady sources. It had been like this for the last year apparently and had only gotten worse as whatever he had been researching drew him in further. After a few days of being home, I finally saw my brother, and he seemed surprised to see me...and almost a little disappointed, however, he welcomed me home with a smile after his initial shock and spent time listening to me recount my entire experience within my term of service....but after a while, he returned his studies and left me with Kalara.....it was not as though I was disappointed, but it had been a little less than a welcoming feeling he had recieved.

That night, I found myself reflecting on the way things had become with Dalanor in the time I was away and walked through the noble quarter, trying to determine where I was to go from here, and what path I should take to get there. I had decided finally to return home, and as i approached, I saw the night sky alight with a flickering golden haze, and upon swiftly returning to where the estate stood, I saw my home ablaze in a hellish fire. With no regard for myself, I burst in, searching for any sign of my sister and brother, despite the danger presented to my well being. I went from room to room, calling for them both, hoping to rouse them from their slumber, or recieve some sort of response....but when I heard nothing but the roar of flames, fear enveloped my mind, panic forced the adrenaline through my body, and determination ignored the pain of the heat upon my flesh. After some intense effort, and a dislocated shoulder, I forced myself through the heat warped door and stopped short, my blood running cold as before me, I saw my brother, standing over my sister's body, chanting as a red glow enveloped her form.....

With a bellow of rage, fueled by betrayal, confusion, anger, hatred and grief, I lunged at him, drawing my dagger from my belt and thrusting towards his spine, but almost in an instant, I found myself pinned to the wall by a force I could not comprehend as his furious gaze locked on me......I had interrupted him it seemed, and something had gone wrong with the ritual....however, at the time, I was unaware of the fact. All I knew, was that he had murdered my sister, and though I wanted to make him pay....make him face justice.....I was weak. I was far from the level it would take to kill him, and he knew it too. He gestured, and I was thrown into the wall....then, everything went black.

I was a little surprised to find that I was still alive, but when I awoke, I found that the city guard had pulled my unconcious form from the fire. I was now homeless, without kin, and broken...knowing that my life was never going to be the same. I was left to my own devices as i healed, and began venturing through dark places in my mind...I was consumed with vengeance, yearning for nothing more than the blood of my brother to spill by my own hands......