The intricacies of power

(This is a character related post for my wizard in one of the two 3,5 campaigns I am participating in. )

The trouble with power, is that it can corrupt you. Not just the soul, or the mind, but the body as well. I have spent much of my time trying to find a way to further my power and climb out from beneath the shadow of my family, and yet, up until now, I have hit a wall. Now, I have no illusions of grandeur, nor do I believe that my power should be used for the enslavement of others, and yet here I am with a new familiar....or should i say assistant, contractually obligated to serve me. Now, I welcome the aid and assistance i have recieved from Endeera thus far, but truth be told I find the entire situation to be....exhausting. My understanding of the arcane is astounding even to me, but when it comes to other people, I cannot seem to grasp the simplest of tasks.....expressing one's thoughts to those who do not understand my way of thinking. For example, take Markus. The man is infuriating, and our differences come from a misunderstanding of each others ways of thinking. He believes that I am wrong for signing the contract with Endeera...not because she is evil...which, despite the mask she wears, she is very much so, but she has an understanding of order despite this. Useful in a very real sense. The problem is that he did not wish to leave her bound where she was, and wanted to release her, but, she did not wish to return home. I cannot say which plane of hell she was from, but that is a sound wish. Who among us would wish to go to hell? He tries again and again to explain why she is wrong for being bound to me, but he refuses to accept the simple fact that it is her choice. If she so wished for me to release her, I would gladly do so, and truthfully, I give her more freedom than he thinks, but to have a devil loose, roaming fetter hill without parameters would be chaos. There would be harm to come to some unfortunate soul, of this I am certain. I did what he could not, and this I think adds to the issue. However, with this latest job, we faced uncertain circumstances, and I made a grievous error. This led to my death, and to be honest, i should not be alive...yet, here I am. The means by which i am here now is for me to know, and for the sake of protecting myself and those around me, I will not so much as put anything in writing in case it is found. It's strange....I have undergone the ritual to bind the mantle of the horned devil to myself, and the power i have recieved, while truly magnificent, will change me in ways I cannot yet determine...and I am quite certain that this will be yet another reason for me to be viewed as an ambitious, evil mastermind by Markus. One day he will understand, but hopefully it will be sooner than later, because I have a feeling that this mistrust will lead to our deaths if it is not resolved. My power will be used to help further my influence so that one day, Greystar and the rest of the world can work together effectively, and be ready to face any challenge that comes our way. Think of the possibilities....Ravenspire with the might of Greystar behind them could very nearly wipe out the threat that looms on their borders, and if not, at the very least, the threat could be greatly lessened for quite some time, thus giving time for the forces of Ravenspire to rally and completely wipe out the threat on their own. The capital city....imagine what could be accomplished if Greystar truly opened it's borders and free sharing of lore and arcane secrets could be shared....the Queen could benefit greatly, as could my people....the possibilities are truly endless. I say this because of the past, and how successful a unified front truly was before the more ambitious of my people found themselves to be too powerful to obey the lawful command of the Queen. As of now, our way of life is....at best...inefficient. People view mine with suspicion and disdain, if only because of their stance. i say, in order to have a truly unified nation could lead to a far more powerful nation in the long run, and there would be nothing to stand against us as a whole...and I would be lying if I said I was not interested to see exactly how I could utilize that knowledge which i am at current, cut off from for one reason or another......one day...the rest of them will see that we could truly be a well funtioning, efficient force to be reckoned with. I have my doubts that i can help achieve this, but my mind is set. This is my purpose. In furthering this endeavor, i also further myself. It is a mutual, beneficial gain.....I shall do my part, but it will be dangerous, and it will require things...that i cannot expect the others to understand, and so for now, I'll do what is necessary, while remaining cautious. No need to push the others away with a misplaced action or word......In time, I'll be gone, but hopefully not before I at least set things in motion.......